Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Monday, October 31, 2011

on Deception and counter-Deception. also on Devising and/or Deciphering Informations

The internet age has brought to us an abundance of information. There are mounds and mounds of nutty little documents, snipets, and tid-bits at the fingertips of every human in arms reach of a computer. If you have not realized it yet, we are living in an information golden age, never in history has so much data been available for analysis.

It sounds great, and it really is...but nothing is perfect. Is all information credible? Of course not. Is it all true? No way. Out of all the data on the net, how much of it is accurate and factual...and how much of it is fiction, lies, propaganda, nonsense, or deception?

It's great that everyone is acquiring more data and decoding more information but should you believe what you are reading? Nope, you surely cannot believe it...and figuring out what is correct and what is incorrect is almost futile sometimes.

If you search for anything on google, you will find conflicting reports on your questions. For example, is coffee a healthy beverage? Out of the two hundred millions search results, you will be able to find any answer to that question, it is not a matter of accessing information anymore it is now a question of deciphering which out of those two hundred million results are valuable pieces of info and which are not. Factoring in that coffee will have a different effect on different people, the answer to the question is not even concrete to begin with.

If you didn't see it happen with your own eyes, hear it with you own ears, you can never be sure if it is true (and even then your senses/bias/perception can deceive you).

Be aware that History is recorded by the people who choose to record it. In the old days, people would keep histories orally through talking about it, then in writing, and now in writing/pictures/video/multi-media/etc. It's scary, but 100% of recorded history may be false. You cannot take an old text and investigate it, you just have to trust that what was recorded in it was factual and truthful. Judging now from how much erroneous data is on the internet, I don't think it's safe to trust any history book.


Anyone with a Wikipedia account is able to record history now. In the future, every child will learn about the past from Wikipedia I believe, and the fact that any kid can learn about anything is great...but what percentage of that information is true?

Obviously things like science and math, texts that must adhere to specific rules and must have proof will be fine. We can experiment with data of scientists from 200 years ago and make sure that what they stated was accurate, that's great...but history is different, once the data has any room for arbitrary interpretations it can not be tested for its accuracy 200 years from now. Anything recorded today will likely be believed as fact in the future...even if it's not true.
Willy wanted wheels.

Wikipedia was frowned upon by teachers when it first came about, and with very good reason. It was erratic and insane when it first came out. There were a few moderators who were mostly 16 year old kids and none of the data on wikipedia could be trusted. The early days were rife with hooligans and vandals too, like people who made tongue-in-cheek entries or put everything on wiki-wheels (this was hilarious, though, you gotta admit).

The first experience I had editing wikipedia, was in 2004 when the Montreal Expos were moved to Washington. One of the wiki moderators deleted the Montreal Expos page, merged it with the Washington Senators page, and the 36 years of the team's history was reduced to "This team used to play in Montreal." I put it back up (I'm sure others did too) but it would keep getting deleted again. Foraying into the mad world of wikipedia moderators was a horrifying experience, they discuss every change on wikipedia at length like this secret club of data deities.

(example: http://theangryblackwoman.wordpress.com/2007/02/04/whispers-the-people-over-on-wikipedia-is-crazy-yo/)

That example is just to show an average everyday discussion of the wiki Data Deities. The woman wanted to register her account name as "angryblackwoman" and they discussed at length if she was allowed to use this user name or not. Those "weak allow" and "strong dissallow" and whatnot is them voting on whether or not she can use that name.

Anyways, every change to wikipedia goes through a myriad of discussion. It's not like you think, that anyone can edit it, that is not true. You can edit it, but it will instantaneously be checked over by moderators and they will decide if that data is allowed on wikipedia. It is interesting that hundreds of thousands of entries have been deleted, some of which surely were factual. In fact there is a site (deletionpedia) which archives the articles wikipedia deletes which I think is actually a great service.
Jiang is not imporant enough for Wiki

Deletionpedia has an entry, for example, on Bin Jiang which was deleted by wiki memeber "DGG" because he didn't think Jiang was important enough to be recorded into the annals of history. The wiki article had a photo of Bin, a song listing next to the photo, and a short bio of the man. The "speedy deletion" was contested it shows, but upheld by the Data Deities.

Isn't the whole process arbitrary? Should some teenager somewhere in the world be allowed to judge whether or not Bin Jiang is important enough to be recorded into history or not?

History was always selective, in the old days it was edited by kings, queens, and rulers to make them look like heroes. Now, it is edited by some greasy kids somewhere.

Sneaking erroneous data into wikipedia is still pretty easy, for example, an entry for the video game Photoboy, has a somewhat untrue, badly written, odd backstory applied to "David Goldman" the lead character in of the game. It has stayed up there for about 5 years now.

"David Goldman is an amateur photographer, who always loved to take pictures. One day, he went to Los Angeles Photography School to study more about taking pictures. Everyday, David commutes on the crowded trains, but trained and learned better in the academy so he can achieve his dreams on becoming the best photographer he ever wished for. He was happy at that time, but suddenly misfortune hit him. David's parents suddenly died in a plane crash, leaving him orphaned and all alone. He loved his parents deeply and cried at their burial, thinking that they will come back. David lost his confidence and is about to leave the academy to live a lonely and sad life. However for Dean, the principal of the academy saw him and made an unexpected proposal to him. The principal said if he completed 8 tests by taking 8 special photograph shots in 8 different locations, then he's allowed to graduate in the academy. Unsure about this offer, David still accepted the test and did everything he could to pass." 


There was also a statement about "David Goldman's" signature mannerisms and walk and how they were based on World War II aviation photographer Bob A. Boughy, but sadly, that tid-bit did not survive the wrath of the moderators.

If that Bob A. Boughy (say it a few times) statement, was phrased "Some argue that David Goldman's signature mannerisms and walk were based on WWII aviation photographer Bob A. Boughy" then it more than likely would have survived as well.

Apparently, according to wiki user "Einsidler" over 38,000 wiki pages contain the term "some argue" which is not very professional when you think about it. Who are these "some" that are arguing these all these claims? Who are these people?

Who knows...but for every "some" that is arguing there is a "some" that is reading those arguments, despite how crazy or laden with errors those claims may be.


It's okay that there's silly or erroneous data on the web, what's not okay is that there are a lot of credulous web surfers out there. What's credulous? It's another way of saying "gullible" (and "gullible" of course...is not in the dictionary).

Credulity is hard to overcome, and most people don't want to. It's being credulous that lets us believe things that make us happy, it lets us believe in Gods, in Santa Clauses, and it helps us sift through information until we get to something that strengthens our current beliefs and state of mind. If you really wanted to convince yourself that Santa exists...I'm sure you could find articles on the web which would back you up.

Credulity and the information golden age cannot co-exist. The internet is churning out multitudes of data every second and all of it is questionable. The veracity of this data that "some" are arguing in most cases can be taken with a grain of salt...and surely not unconditional belief.

The credulity of today's society is outrageous. People believe anything, and I know it helps them through their troubles, and people who tell other people to stop believing always look mean...but I think it's time that society started leaning into skeptic territory.

A very old text urging people not to be credulous that's out there is a great read called Discoverie of Witchcraft by Reginald Scot (available: here). Scot was writing this in an age when the government was going around accusing people of witch craft and if they didn't pay the fine, they would torture these people into admitting they were witches, and then upon confession...they would burn them alive. The government was using this method to get rid of their critics and enemies, and they were basically using the people's credulity against them to make money and stay in power. This is a beloved book amongst skeptics up to this day and in the opening sentence, even Scot, feels bad about telling people not to believe,

Now, because it is relevant, and witchcraft so apparently accomplished through the art of sleight of hand, I thought it would be worthwhile to explain it. I am sorry to be the one to do this, and regret any effect this may have on those who earn their living performing such tricks for purposes of entertainment only, whose work is not only tolerable but greatly commendable. They do not abuse the name of God in this occupation, nor claim their power comes through him, but always acknowledge what they are doing to be tricks, and in fact through them unlawful and unpious deceivers may be exposed.

-Discoverie of Witchcraft, p.1

"He is sorry," he says, because he knows people make a living off of selling magic pendants, other voodoo shit, and knows some people are using deception for entertainment purposes but he also saw the very real danger of what credulous minds will do when they believe too foolishly. He helped reduce credulity of the age by explaining how common magick tricks were done, like thrusting bodkins into your skull and stuff like that...


Doin' it wrong: Bodkin WITH hurt.
    Have a knife made so that the handle is hollow and allows the blade to slip into it when held upside down. Hold it to your forehead and appear to thrust it in. With a little sponge concealed in your hand you can wring out blood or wine. If wine is running out of your forehead you can excuse it by explaining you have had a lot of wine to drink. Then, after an appropriate show of pain and grief, appear to pull the knife out of your head suddenly, so quickly that the blade falls back into place without being noticed. Immediately place the trick knife in your lap or pocket and switch it for an unprepared one. 

-Discoverie of Witchcraft, chapter XXXIV.

You think people are better today? The Wikipedia page for John Edward (the guy who millions of folks pay money to so he can talk to their dead relatives and relay what they said) has a small section on "controversy" but mainly states that Edward is a professional psychic medium and leaves it at that. There is no such thing as a professional psychic medium...get real.

The Wikipedia page for him should literally read as follows, "Edward cons grieving people out of hard earned money by pretending to talk to their dead relatives." That is the sanest and most accurate way of recording him in history.

Prop up your Propaganda

Propaganda used to be easy as pie. An authority in power tells you what to believe, and you believe it. Why were kings allowed to be in power and rich while everyone else suffered? Either they told them it's because they had blue blood, or were ordained by a God to rule and be rich, or some shit like that. Today it's different, you have to win a popularity contest in most countries and be an expert liar to stay in power.

Cartoon by David Horsey
It's harder to make people believe in authority for no good reason this day and age, but that doesn't mean authority hasn't figured out how. They play on your fears, your hatred, your xenophobia, your nationalism, your language, your religion, and certainly your credulity to get you on their side. Media has become a war of images, a war to prove a point, an image is now literally worth a thousand words. News outlets should not overtly be trusted for no good reason. If your government owns your news network for instance, you should practice extra skepticism on the reports issued from that outlet. The Chinese government for instance tries to ban most of the internet from its people, except for government controlled web servers.

Watch out for non-critical articles written about your government.

Handy Tools

Here's a couple of links which may be interesting or come in handy while surfing the intertubes:

Some argue (me) that this is the greatest macro of all time. G.O.A.T. son!

1. First off, here's Neil Degrasse Tyson in 9 photos. Choose which ones are real and which ones are shopped and you win some internets. This site is actually the first time I ever heard of science superstar NDT. If you choose right or wrong, Hany Farid will still explain why or why not the picture is shopped. It's not always about the pixels or how many shops you've seen in your journeys.


2. List of Fallacies (this site is one of many, it's just the first one from google I picked. You can search for others too). It has examples of fallacies such as Loaded Language and others. In literature and entertainment writing all language should be loaded chock-to-the-brim with emotion, but in a news article NO language should be loaded up with emotions.


3. Photos have been edited for a long time, here's some (then again maybe some of them are hoaxes, who knows).


4. I love this site Snopes ever since it first came out. They investigate hoaxes and now they try and investigate just about everything on the net. It's been around a while and is not only great but fun to read as well.


Keep it real.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Secret of Re-Invention (as Exampled by Heino)

Synonyms of "Heino": Exophthalmos

The flows of history are interchanging and non-static. You cannot become stuck in your ways and become stuffy in the same style. The freshness runs through the veins of past, present, and future like a freight train of energy and it causes the past to collide with the future to create pockets of "freshness vacuums" wherein is written the histories of next year. One may argue that tradition will constantly fracture and re-fracture the future's bones and bind those bones in castes in order to resist change...yet this is certainly impossible. The freshness flows like a river, and will flow around rocks and debris that stand in its way unto a fresher tommorow.

To explain this let's take an example from Germany, their albino super star, the one and only Heino. The H-Man, has been around since the dawning of history and has adapted his style to the age like a freshness chameleon. The chronologic stylevolution of Heino is beautiful and awe inspiring, coupled in with the fact that nothing outputted from Germany's muscial scene ever makes any sense, the transgressing Heino Epochs are some of the most odd data out there.

The Beginning

It's Schlager time...
...and Heino said, let there be Schlager. What's Schlager? Schlager is a type of mutagen or cheese-based mayonnaise sauce that parts of Europe use in music to create original musical dishes. For example, the Schlager Sauce when added to this Rolling Stones song turns it into...this. Obviously it's a potent condiment, and it should be used in musical dishes sparingly.

Heino is what you'd get if...you took Frank Sinatra, filled a vat or a bathtub with the Schlager Sauce, submerged Sinatra into the mutagen and marinated him for 400 years.

Heino (circa 1968) was a wide-eyed albino alien who schlagged about drinking whiskey and chilling in Mexico and various South American countries...

His first form is his most iconic form. He likes to go on vacations, get drunk, and sing songs about that. However, this style died out in the late sixties, forcing Heino to channel his freshness and ascend to his second form.

Disco Inferno

The sixties saw Germany leaving their Martin Heideggerian and Nihilistic ways, and some Germans even started to smile and dance...almost...

Look at them go in that clip, my goodness, I think one of them even looked happy for a second. Way to go Germany! The spirit of the 60's was taking shape and it was ushering in a new era, the global era of disco!

Disco fever hit the world in one devastating fell swoop...and no one was spared, certainly not Germany. The Disco Inferno that took Germany by storm was led by Dschinghis Khan, who fused the loveableness of ancient dictators with funky Disco beats.

This video has close to 7 million hits now, and I don't wanna be a "one upper" or a filthy "hipster" but its one of those things that I have the right to say "I knew about this shit before you did!"

My sister went to Germany in the year 2000, and I asked her to bring me back a Heino and a Dschinghis. She thought they were some cutting edge punk rock group (that's what I was interested in back then) and apparently marched up to the hip german record store dude and asked for "Dschinghis Khan" upon which she was scorned and laughed at. She told me not to ask her to buy cheesy garbage for me on her travels again, but is something that has garnered 7 million internet hits really garbage in retrospect?

Anyways, back to Heino. Was Schlager being pushed out the door in favor of Disco? The Schlagermen were going extinct with Disco on the horizon and if someone wanted to remain on the pop scene, they would either have to adapt or be overcome and buried by a tidal wave of leisure suits and platform shoes. Heino chose to adapt and preformed the first of his many Heino-Volutions. He threw on a leisure suit, hired some lumberjacks, and lip synched his motherfucking ass off....

It wasn't a question if Heino could handle the Disco Inferno, it was more a question if the Inferno could handle the Heino. Disco came and went (thank goodness) but Heino survived and only became more powerful.

Nihilistik Electronik Supersonik 1980s

Uh oh you guys, here comes "New Wave". The end of the 1970s represented a new era of German music. If you thought that video of Germans dancing was odd, it's because it was. They were out of their element, and Germans wanted desperately to get back into their element. They needed for the emotion to be drained out of their music and they needed it bad. They needed nihilism and they needed right then. The most iconic band of the German "New Wave" movement was Kraftwerk as shown in their "song" below...

Oh boy, nice emotion guys...you really knocked that song out of the park. Personally, I prefer New Wave Satire to actual New Wave but each his own...you know?

The above video was made many years after New Wave but sums up the genre very well. It's a great song.

Okay, what about Heino? Is he dead by the 1980s? Of course not, he's unkillable and ultimately un-hideable in every aspect of human existence. You think Heino can't cope with this shit? You think he can't make his beats all unpredictable and get down with nonsense? Think again man...Heino loves nonsense. Hell, he'll trade in his guitar and throw a moog synthesizer into the mix, change the pacing of his Blue Flower song and get all elektronik all over the damn place. New Wave better take it's notebook out because Heino is about to get down with the new age sound...the hits...the whole hits...and nuthin' but the mud flappin' hits!

I love that the Schlager high-notes survived the second Heino-Volution. aaaaah-AAAAH-AAAAH-AH.

New Wave came and it went. It tried to get rid of him, but couldn't so New Wave decided if it couldn't beat Heino to join him. Heino has now fused himself with both Disco and New Wave, his documented Music Power in this era was measured at 170,000mp.

DJ Guillermo's Watered-Down 90s Club Mix

The arrival of the 1990's meant the term disc jockey stopped meaning "a person who changes the records at the radio station" and started meaning "a person who mixes records and calls themselves a musician." I could relate to the people who fought Disco and fought New Wave in their era, because this was the shit music of my era and it wasn't very good. I liked that one Barbie song by Aqua, and I wanted to bang those chicks from the Venga Boys, but other than that this was a regrettable shift in the music paradigm.

Many leading music historians of the timeframe wondered if Heino could withstand a third flux in the freshness. Some argued that music would move into a new area of freshness that Heino would be unable to find. They claimed that Heino wouldn't be able to get down with Techno, that he wouldn't be able to make music that could make the young women of the era grind on random men like total fucking sluts.

Whoever the "some" were who argued this couldn't have been further from the truth...do it Heino:

Heino technoed-out his Blue Flower song and found a hot woman to bust it up with (thank goodness he chose a hot one, unlike his brief yet unspeakable Nina Hagen duet phase). Antonia is a fox, and because of the autotune you can enjoy her aesthetically as opposed to aurally. 

He did it again, he survived the movement in styles. He adapted and re-invented for a third time. This man is unreal. He's now been singing about how blue that same flower is for almost 40 years!

Rap? (please, for the love of god...don't.)

Did he have it in him? Could he handle rap? This seems like a stretch by all means, and I don't think anyone on earth honestly believed that Heino could pull off a transformation of this magnitude. 

Sadly, the following video is the only youtube vid of the end-result of Heino's final musical transmogrification and it gets interupted in the middle by some guy making fun of it. Do you really have to make fun of Heino rapping? Can't you just let us enjoy it? Making fun of Heino rapping is ridiculous, it's so beatifully bad that it's wonderous. It's ages of stratification, it's layer upon layer of silliness...bred from Schlager, hand woven over aeons, and now finally achieving its crystallization...the epitome of Heino-Volution....and you're gonna ruin it by poking fun at it like you're the only one who thinks this is bad? He should've just laid back and enjoyed the fruitification of decades of labor and harvested with us the Heinotables that took years to grow. Anyways, here's Heino rapping...

I had the mp3 of this for many years, and knew there was visual footage somewhere on the net. One day I found it, and it was as great as I imagined it. The girls dressed like Sir-Mix-A-Lot's girls, the kid "dancing", it's as bad as can...and then that guy has to come on and think he's funny. Making fun of Heino rapping is like poking a dead body with a stick and then robbing its valuables.

Kudos to Heino on hundreds of years of keeping himself "real." You threaten to retire every year and seem to have a retirement tour every month...but I know you're not going anywhere and I can't wait to see what you become next.

(April 09/2012 edit:YES! A NEW LIVE VERSION IS ON YOUTUBE!!!!! OH IT'S SO BAAAAD. Gives me sa beat! Are you ready for Heino?)

They gave him the beat!

His name on the side of his Shades: Vain or Totally Cool? You be the judge...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Beavis and Butthead are Back

In the old days, Beavis and Butthead never won, they never scored, and they never succeeded at life. In the new episodes coming out, I'm sure they won't score, they won't win, and will surely not succeed.

They're dumb, violent, mean, vulgar, horrible, little teenagers. You're never sure to laugh at them, hate them, pity them, or root for them. I think as a viewer everyone kind of takes a stand as they observe data, we want to see the hero win and the villain lose. Are they heroes? Anti-Heroes? Villains? You're never really sure. Are you supposed to cheer them on or learn a lesson from their idiotic ways? What's their deal?

Some think Beavis and Butthead was supposed to be a wake up call for society to start worrying about today's youth or to warn us about devo-lution (explored later in Judge's "Idiocracy" work). These are components, but I don't think this is the main idea behind it. I think they were meant to be rooted for like any other protagonist in any other work of literature.

The hardest protagonists to root for are the ones who never win. Ask a Chicago Cubs fan if that statement is true, they haven't won since 1908 and aren't looking like they will in the future. Beavis and Butthead will never age, never score, never win, and never succeed. They are forever trapped in the purgatory of failure and hardship. In essence they represent suffering in its purest form.

Look closely at the characters. They have no parents, they slave away at school all day and then slave away at minimum wage labor at Burger World (the fast food chain in their world) on their weekends, they are angry and depressed, they take their anger out on each other through violence. They live a life of suffering...and will never as long they exist in their story ever free themselves from their hardships.
Ouch, I think I hurt myself.

Each episode featured them losing, failing, getting beat up, beating each other up, being scolded at school, getting arrested, getting stuck in something, getting terribly bloody and injured. Life beats them down into the ground each and every time. Except for one...one episode in the entire run of the original series was totally different than the rest. It was their only victory, and it wasn't much but it was still a victory.


A Great Day is a break from the motif of failure, hardship, and injury. They wake up and feel good, Butthead says "I think it's because I finally got some sleep" and Beavis says "Ah boy...I feel pretty good right about now." They start out happy, and everything just goes right for them. Their victories are not grand at all, they see some cool things and because of their good mood they have a positive outlook on life and for that brief moment in time...the nachos taste better, the sight of two dogs banging makes them laugh more heartily, looking up at the sky and going "ah boy...I feel good today" makes them feel a-o-kay.

This was our heroes victory. One day in their miserable, impovrished, beat-down lives where they were happy. This episode feels odd and out of place, but I understand it now, that it's those little silly things in life, those little passing moments in time when things make you smile and you don't know or can't explain why. You got some sleep the night before and had pleasent dreams and you just feel pretty good right about then. You get a couple of breaks that day, you know, the laws of random chance just fall in your favor. You see someone else get injured instead of you (schadenfreude) and are glad you're not getting hurt for once...you know...stuff like that. You learn to appreciate those little things.

These guys didn't need much to be happy, they could laugh at literally anything. They laughed through all the tough times. They just wanted to be free from school, free from menial labor...they wanted to be free so they could rummage through trash cans and find porno magazines. They wanted to explore the world, do America, and find cool places and see cool things like cars crashing, dogs banging, stuff they never saw before.

"Someday I'd like to be like that, you know, a kid finds a dead bird...you give him 20 bucks for it."

"Beavis...life just keeps getting better."

They're thinking about the future and they're place in it and how great it's gonna be. This episode was so different than the others. These kids are ok, they're good kids, they had it rough and act out but they just want the same thing anyone wants...just to be free and to be happy. They just want a couple of great days. That's all.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Attack of the Heavenly 9-Tongued Nezha !!

3-Head-6-Armed Nezha
 I've always had an interest in looking at the small differences in the human condition. Differences which we use to brand and label each other. We assign labels to each other based on color, gender, beliefs, geo-political origins, outward appearances, and language. We love to find little differences between us and focus on them and then fragment into small groups and develop rivalries over these differences. These rivalries can lead to arguments, fights, and sadly...wars.

To avoid future wars, it might be important to stop obsessing over our little differences. For people who are concerned over this, I find it's always a good idea to have some rhetorical claims handy to use as counter points when talking to people who hate-on a group of people over some small little thing.

For example, if you are dealing with a someone who dislikes others over the color of their skin. You can tell that person that the color of a person's skin/eyes/hair is entirely based on the level of melanin in their bodies and that the level of melanin has no impact on the intelligence or abilities of said person. Hopefully, they will realize that hating people over varying levels of melanin is silly and abandon the idea.

If someone is hating-on over geographic location, you can bring up how we are all on the same rock travelling through the universe...a universe which is limitless. Hopefully, they realize the scope of things and will abandon the idea that someone from a certain region of earth is bad for being from that region.

A tongue designed for other purposes
When dealing with language, you have to break it down to simple terms as well...

Language is latin for the word "tongue" and is how we use our smelly old tongues as tools to communicate a need/want/emotion to other human persons or animals. We all want to communicate with others and the more ways you can manipulate your tongue to rap out words the better.

When someone is hating-on over language you can try this rhetorical claim out for size...

Our brains are a very powerful organism and have a great capacity to hold data. The part of the brain that handles language has enough room on its organic hard drive to store an unlimited amount of vocabulary, and an unlimited amount of languages and regional dialects. Do we have to fight over which language is better when it is 100% possible to learn ALL languages? If you don't have the time in your tight schedule, no worries either, translation programs are getting better and better every day and researchers are adding more languages into their code as we speak. Let computers do all the legwork, and then reap the data reward.

Don't believe me that you could learn ALL languages if you tried? Here are some examples of Polyglots (dudes/dudettes who could rap in a lot of languages) over the years:

Hugo Masing (Wiki Page)

Hugo "The Amasing" Masing was a grand daddy of tongues, the man could bust out lyrics in over 40 tongues.

Known to his close friends and family as "Uku," his mastery of tongues allowed him to communicate with close to any hearing-able human.

Giuseppe Caspar Mezzofanti (Wiki Page)

Joey is listed by the wikipedia folks as being a "hyper-polyglot" which sounds cool. He poly got a lot of crackers! He could walk into a bar in China, order a beer and hit on a few waitresses in perfect Chinese. He could lay down some dozens with some cats in Istanbul in perfect Turkish. He could ask for his money back in a restaurant in Germany in perfect German. He could swear at a guy in Spanish. He could serenade a chick in Italian...etc. etc. etc.

José Protacio Rizal Mercado y Alonzo Realonda (Wiki Page)

JPRMyAR was a Filipino guy and the Manny Pacquiao of verbal communication (if you will).

When you reach the state of Hyper Tongue you become a veritable 9-Tongued Nezha and the whole world becomes your home. Pretty slick, eh?


enlarge for FAIL
Most people have tongues, some had them removed, which is very sad. Some have one tongue (with two lips and two lungs I'd assume), some have two tongues, and some like Masing and Mezzofanti had so many tongues they were nothing but tongue.

If you only speak one tongue (sadly I have not mastered even one language as of yet, but I'm trying), please don't fall in love with your tongue. Falling in love with a part of your body is simply narcissistic and gross, it's like people who fall in love with their stupid hand and masturbate all day. People who fall in love with their own tongue are basically putting their heads between their legs, jamming their tongue around/in their genitals and giving themselves oral sex...then when they open their mouth to speak to others they spew out genital breath all over their audience.

I think the Great Sage, Lester Napoleon Green, said it best...

"Anyone can have a tongue, it doesn't matter what tongue you got. You can use anybody's tongue..."

Words of the wise.