Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Turning the Horribly Mundane into something in which the Badness is of As Can...

(Or how they took something Boring and made it Awesome)

Let's be honest, life itself gets pretty boring sometimes...you get up in the morning each day and go to work or school and pass the time, talk to your coworkers or classmates, daydream, hum to yourself, then go to bed at night (cycle reversed for night shift workers obviously). Turning something very boring into something fun is a co essential art within itself, you gotta drain the boring out of a situation, just like draining sap from a tree, where some inventive individual can then boil it and add sugar to make that sap palatable for human consumption. Similarly, inventive individuals can drain the boring out of situational day-to-day activities and dress it up using the most elaborate of shticks to create something that will in essence rock your trousers or drawers (or socks) off.

Let's take two television shows in particular that excel in this boredom draining method....

Iron Chef (the good one not the crappy one)

Ryōri no Tetsujin was a cooking show which tore the place down from 1992 until 2002.

A monster truck rally or a rock and roll concert are inherently awesome and hard to be boring...but a cooking show? To make a cooking show awesome takes absolute and resolute human ingenuity. I don't even know how to describe what makes it so awesome, take the intro for example, it's mythical and legendary. It's a legend but it's not happening thousands of years ago but right in front of your eyes.

animated if clicked
That guy in the end of the intro from the link above is the heart and soul of the show...he is Chairman Kaga, he takes the ham and cheese sandwich acting style of William Shatner yet multiplies said ham by somewhere over 9000% and the resulting product is without any doubt...too hot to handle. Whether the Chairman is entering the arena on a snow-white steed or crushing wine glasses and bleeding all over the place in disappointment over his Iron Chefs, Kaga is always without peer. If a global planetary governor is ever elected to govern all peoples of the world, Chairman Kaga is the only person who could possibly be considered.

animated if clicked
The Americans made two attempts at recreating this awesomery...the first time they used Kaga's Western counterpart himself, William Shatner, but the show did not catch on. They made a horrible second attempt which sadly did catch on. The show featured jobbers and fools and was hosted by a moron. They purported that Rachel Ray was an Iron Chef, Rachel Ray was an insult to the Iron Chefs and has ruined the glorious name of Iron Chef and spoiled the monicker for future generations.

Defi Mini Putt (RDS)

Expert advice from the Legend...
Défi Mini Putt was the greatest show on TV for a brief stretch in time back in the early nineteen nineties (1990's) which aired on Quebec's sports network.

Taking a cooking show and making it awesome is hard...but mini-putt? That doesn't take absolute/resolute human ingenuity...no no no...to make mini-putt awesome takes a deep concentration of pure human awesomeness in itself. Thankfully two men involved with the show, announcer Serge Vleminckx and puttsman extraordinaire Carl Carmoni had the inner-shutzpah in their respective souls to turn the sucker out.

Serge's narration of the transpired actions of the putters is what makes it what it is, from his trademark "Birdie!" exclamation to his unheard of excitement over mini-putt, this man is the real deal and should have been given better jobs at RDS (i.e. doing Montreal Canadiens games). Please watch the following video to get a taste of his technique and also live the unbridled intensity of the Legend Carl Carmoni...


An ancient Chinese proverb says that "Loneliness is a slow acting but deadly poison," I would venture to say that boringness is also a poison in its own right, but not one that can kill you, but one that simply drains the life out of you slowly, rendering your blood into heavy gray-matter and reducing you to a zombie-esque state of mind.

Yet one must ask, how could we ever know true awesomeness if true boringness never existed? Awesome is only awesome in comparison to its mortal enemy. Do they not go hand-in-hand? Could we ever know what was awesome if nothing was boring? Your mind must begin to travel when contemplating these concepts. Would there be happy...without sad? Would there be a concept of light...without darkness? Would there be rich...if there was no poor? Would there be heaven...if there was no earth? How could we live Life, if we didn't know Death was inevitable? Right with no Wrong? Come on.

The Ying Yang symbol in Taoism tries to represent this concept of negation in it's simplest terms. In our current topic, Boringness is the plain white dot in the midst of all that awesome black matter which is trying to counter act it, while Awesomeness is the black dot in the midst of that boring white matter trying to counter act it. Together they counter act each other so effectively in such a pleasant unison that they achieve total harmony and balance. Wow.

It's like something dark against something light...something movin' in the pale moon light...something dark against something light...something movin' in the pale moon light...

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